Inlaws, outlaws and other crazy things

Dear Michael,

First I want to say that when God blessed me with you, He blessed me with my inlaws as well.  Your mother calls me at least twice a week.  She always tells me that they're not going to forget me.  I love her so much and am so grateful that she is my "mama" too.  Your brother, Frank, calls and checks on Tru and I several times a week.  When I was sick, he took me to the hospital.  When Tru is acting up, he offers to give him a "tune up".  Your sister, Ann, is among my very best friends.  She is a prayer warrior and always knows just what to say to help me feel better.  Your sister in law emails me often just to chat.  Your nephew has been a source of strength and comfort and your nieces have always been so sweet and supportive. It's not as if no one has hurt my feelings since you've been gone, but all the people I love, all the people that matter have stood beside me.  They still call me "sister" and "daughter", they still call me "Mike's wife".  I have been blessed.

But, it seems like this is the exception rather than the rule!  As I've gotten to know more and more widows, I'm hearing horrible stories of how their inlaws have treated them.  A mother in law who says she never wants the widow to speak her son's name again.  A sister in law who posts taunting insults on the widow's Face Book page.  The family that kept the widow and the children from getting the life insurance for months and months while the children went without.  The family who snatched the body away and made all the arrangements before the widow could even come up for air!

I can't imagine how hurt you would be if these things were done to Tru and I.  But, I can imagine you saying, in your understated way, "I wouldn't let it bother me if I were you".  I can also imagine the hurt look on your face, the sadness this would cause you. And I have to wonder if the other husbands are looking down at their family mistreating their widow and children.  I wonder if sorrow would fill their hearts?  The Bible says there are no tears in Heaven, but the Bible is also very explicit on how a widow should be treated.  In fact it is talked about from the Old Testament to the New Testament.  One hundred and three verses in total that told people how to treat widows.  

Exodus 22:22

“Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless

Deuteronomy 24:17

Do not deprive the foreigner or the fatherless of justice, or take the cloak of the widow as a pledge.

Psalm 68:5

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Isaiah 1:17

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

When our brother in law, Len, stood up to speak at your service, he said "The Bible says that we should take care of the widow.  Church, behold your widow" as he pointed at me.  What a wonderful feeling that was, that he wanted to make sure that Tru and I were taken care of, that he reminded people that the Bible says to take care of the widow!

Baby, I just don't understand what it is about death that brings out the ugly in people?  I've never lost a child and pray that I never will, so I don't know the hurt of a woman who has buried her son, but I pray, that if God ever ordains it, that I will treat my son's widow with the love and respect that I would treat my son.  That I would treat her the way that God commanded.

But, in the same sense, some of those in laws that are mistreating their widow have never lost their spouse.  The relationship of a husband and wife is different and set aside from all other relationships.  It's the only relationship that God himself joined together as one flesh.  Losing your spouse is feeling your soul ripped in half.  God has literally taken one half of your soul, one half of your flesh.  We've all seen people who have lost an arm or a leg or another body part. Imagine the pain and horror of losing one half of your body.  That's what losing a spouse is.

The Bible says

Genesis 2:24

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

But being a widow is more than losing one half of yourself.  You have lost the father to your child. You have lost your provider.  You have lost your protector.   You have lost your best friend.  You have lost the comfort of the physical touch of your spouse.  Rather than being equally yoked and sharing the burden, the widow has the burden heaped upon her shoulders to carry alone.

I pray that God will open the eyes of those who mistreat their widow and reveal to them that they are not in His will.  I pray that God will heavily burden the hearts of the people who have cast out their widow.  And I pray for these widows and their children that God will bring them comfort and care in abundance with His great mercy.

I love you so much, Baby Boy. You will always be bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, you will always be my heart.