as if in a dream from which I can't emerge.Where once there was light and joy,
I find only confusion and sadness.
I search for you and for me,
but somehow we were lost on that day.
Do you remember our joy,
the happiness that surrounded us?
All the memories come rushing back,
I see you smile from your picture,
you raise your hand in a toast
and you smile the smile of life and warmth.
When you left, you took everything that was me.
I stumble through the days
like something ancient,
bones creaking, heart breaking.
I search for your smell,
for a hair left in your comb,
I look at your things
trying to find affirmation that you were real.
Your love haunts me from the grave,
it teases me, saying "this once was yours"
you reach out and touch me,
but it's only in my dreams.
I'm caught in this tug of war,
life pulling, death beckoning,
screams from my soul to inhabit both realities.
And yet I make it through the day,
not stronger, not happier,
but breathing, waiting,
until I can go back into the darkness once again.
Feeling YOUR pain and...... though I lost my man of 31 years, I do not understand what you are going through. Maybe because your love was so new and cut so short.
ReplyDeleteI think each of us experiences things so differently. We loved and lived differently. I don't think the way we grieve has anything to do with how much we loved our husbands, just in our reaction to the loss? I'm so sorry that you lost your husband of 31 years. That is a lifetime. I wrote this 4 1/2 months into my grief and now the pain has started to lessen, although there are times that I still feel like this, but those times are further apart and don't last as long. Hugs to you, my friend.
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