100 Daily Deaths

People seem to think that after the funeral, the death is over and the healing begins. But what they don't realize is that it's only the beginning of the deaths.  Everyday, there is another death.

Today I realized I don't know where the main water shut off is....DEATH
I'll never go to the Peanut again......DEATH
I'll never freeze my butt off tailgating at a Chiefs game again....DEATH
I won't sit in the blazing sun in some podunk town watching you play in a tournament....DEATH
I'll never sniff your neck and make you laugh.....DEATH
I'll never put spray n wash on your "drars"....DEATH
I will never listen to you play the "tuba" in the bathroom in the morning.....DEATH
The handle in the master bath shower is broken, I don't know how to fix it.....DEATH
You will never sit in church and fan me during a hot flash......DEATH
No one will ever be in love with me again.......DEATH
When I'm late getting home, there is no one to call and say "where are you, G?  it's late".....DEATH
During a birth, there is no one sending me text messages cheering me on........DEATH
I have to put together the pictures for your tombstone........DEATH
I will never dance with my husband again..........DEATH
I am no longer connected to your culture..............DEATH
I am losing who I was because of who you were.........DEATH
The house is a mess and no one cares or helps me clean it up.......DEATH
No one will ever call  me "G" again..........DEATH
Sports don't play on the t.v. anymore..........DEATH
There is no one to take care of me if I get sick........DEATH
There is no one I want to dress up for or that will think I'm beautiful like you did.......DEATH
There is no one to go looking around when I hear a noise at night.......DEATH
There is no one to be proud of me, no one to impress......DEATH
Each time I spend some of your life insurance money..........DEATH
Each birthday, each holiday, every weekend........DEATH
No one cares what time I come to bed at night........DEATH
No one calls to wake me up in the morning........DEATH
There are no emails to say "good morning" or "I love you" when I wake up.......DEATH
There are no notes on my computer or on my pillow at night.......DEATH
No one fusses at me when I'm late because I procrastinated too long.....DEATH
My car is on empty, no one cares............DEATH
No one take my car for an oil change.........DEATH
I have to take the trash out on Sunday nights.............DEATH
No one cooks bacon on Sunday morning...........DEATH
It doesn't matter what panties I wear, or what I sleep in.............DEATH
No one will ever kiss me on the lips again......DEATH
No one will ever hold me, make love to me or look at me naked like you did......DEATH
No one will ever know me the way that you knew me...........DEATH
No one sits on the front porch with me and says "I love our life"............DEATH
I will never love another person the way that I loved you!..............DEATH

You thought you were "useless" because you couldn't do certain things with your pacemaker.  You thought you couldn't even fold the towels right, but I didn't need you for those things. I needed you for all these things that cause me to grieve over and over as my list grows.

I need to smell you, I need to lean against you,  to snuggle up to you, to argue with you, to make up with you, to be proud of you, to bask in your love.  Those are the things I need you for.  Why didn't I say all this when you said you were useless?  Why didn't I tell  you that you were the air I breathe?  Why didn't I tell you that you were the blood that pumps through my heart?  Why didn't I tell you that without YOU, there is no ME?