August 29, 2009 7:00 PM. I take my uncle by the arm, tears streaming down my face. The doors open and I walk in. I'm wearing a dress I designed from the description you gave me of how you imagined I would look on our wedding day. The music is playing..Angels brought me here by Guy Sebastian. Our friends, family and loved ones are seated in white fabric covered chairs. Chinese lanterns hang from the ceiling and glow with soft light. The pastor (my brother in law) stands at the head of the aisle. But, all I see is you. My beautiful, handsome love who is about to become my husband. I feel like God has blessed me among all women. You are the man I have waited 50 years to find.
August 29, 2012 7:00 PM. I spread the quilt on the ground, light the candles and start the music playing. The night is warm, but finally starting to cool as the sun goes down. I have a picnic basket and have brought a bottle of chilled champagne that we saved from our wedding. Three long stemmed red roses from me for our third anniversary and a pink one from your little side kick, Tru.
A deer runs out of the woods for just a minute and stops to gaze at me. Finding me uninteresting, he darts back into the woods. The deer are getting braver because the drought has killed the vegetation. They come looking for food. A jogger runs slowly down the road and looks at me like I'm the strangest person he's ever seen or maybe he sees me as an apparition.
I stop for a moment and just try to breathe. I have dreaded this moment for the last three months. I fill two glasses with champagne and toast you and me and our marriage. My new laptop is playing songs from our wedding and Old School Soul. Smokey Robinson, Patti LaBelle, Marvin Gaye. All the songs that we have danced to. The songs that we listened to, snuggled up like two kittens, holding hands and gazing into each others eyes.
I lay down on the blanket and look at the clouds in the sky. The sunset is spectacular. Sun beams radiate out from the sinking sun. The first pinks of dusk are starting to show. Soft clouds float across the sky. Right above me is a cloud that looks just like you. I see your face so plainly..your young face..the one I've only seen in pictures. It doesn't fade and change into other shapes. The clouds around it are moving, but the "Michael Cloud" doesn't move. Your arm is raised in a toast. I lay still, afraid if I move or breathe, the cloud will be gone. I close my eyes for just a moment and the cloud has faded into wisps of white fluff.
It's getting dark and I know that you don't like me to be out after dark. But, one last song. "Our Song" the one we first danced to. The one that we danced to at our wedding. "I love your face" by Smokey. I stand up and close my eyes. I feel the grass and the bumpy ground with my bare feet. I raise my arms and I dance with you. I can feel you so warm and so wonderful in my arms. I can feel the softness of your skin as I kiss you on the neck. I hear you whisper "just look at me G, and keep dancing". The tears fill my eyes and I dance..the finale, the turns, arms up, and bring my hands down the side of your face perfectly as smokey says "I love your face" for the very last time.
I slowly gather up the blankets, glasses and champagne bottle. I blow out the candles, but I play one more song "We saved the best for last" by Kenny G. I tied the cross I brought you to the roses and leave the champagne glass there with them. The tears come more freely now because I know that I have to leave you here. As I walk away, I turn to look at your grave one last time and to say "Happy Anniversary, Baby Boy". It's been the best three years of my life.
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